On Being the Worst Dog Owner Ever…
First and foremost, I just want to say that this is not going to be a serious post. At all. In any way, shape, or form. I have had a long week, and the last thing I need to be serious right now.
No, right now I need to make bad jokes, be my normal lame self, and make fun of myself for just being a bad dog owner.
Now I know what you are thinking: “Seth, with all the crap going on in the world right now like 2 wars, the battle over healthcare, the Supreme Court hearings for Sotomayor, and the fact that some really scary people in Stockton, California, think they see Michael Jackson in a tree AND stated that Michael Jackson meant more to them ‘than Jesus does to some people’, you are writing about your dog?”
Why yes. Yes I am.
See here’s the thing that some people may not know because I never talk about it: My family has a dog.
Huge shocker I know, but yes, we have one. She is a yellow lab, roughly 85 pounds, and sheds like a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” after being at the ranch for a few days eating nothing but chicken and broccoli and working out 13 hours a day.
And my dog is also missing about a quarter of her tail. There is a story behind this tragedy, and yes, I am in the middle of that story. You probably have not heard the story because it happened during my extended time away from the blog – hence why I have never mentioned to most of the eight people who read this blog.
Anyway, if you want to hear the story, I will tell you. I warn you, however, that it once again highlights the fact that I am a massive idiot. As if you didn’t know that already.
All that being said, know that this is the problem I have: I do love my dog, and I could not stand giving her away to another family.
BUT, I don’t spend as much time with her as I should because I work, have a family, and I hate having to wash my hands immediately after petting her (again, the shedding thing).
So what should I do to spend more time with her? My wife already takes her on walks, we let her inside when it gets too hot and too cold (granted, we cage her up in our kitchen to keep the rest of the house from getting dirty), and I am the one that bathes her and brushes her out…every few weeks.
I also throw the ball with her in the backyard and clean her off when she finds the mud hole. Heck, I even feed her twice a day and put medicine on her that keeps her heart from getting worms and keeps her body from having fleas and ticks all over it.
Okay, that was not necessary to add in those details. Sorry.
However, even after all of that, I just don’t feel like I give her the attention she deserves. I mean, seriously, this has been a quandry for me for like the past 3 years since our daughter was born.
Okay, that is probably not true – I gave up paying attention to the dog about a year after we got her and we have had her for over 5 years now.
If I were to be honest, I only bathe her when it gets to the point of her stinking up our house and my wife “strongly suggesting” I bathe her. I only play ball with her in the spring and fall when the weather is nice. And yeah, putting her only in the kitchen and not the rest of the house isn’t probably the nicest thing to do.
But our house is much cleaner now than it used to be. That is good, right?
Um, no.
Holy crap, I am a bad dog owner.
But I want to do better, I really do. So if you have any ideas or tips on how I could be a better dog owner, I would really appreciate them. Just be nice.
And if all of this is not enough motivation to communicate your thoughts, know this: If I get no brilliant ideas, my dog will just continue to be lonely and depressed.
So there.
S